I still need to do my summer homework.
I feel so lazy~
School starts on Monday and I honestly don't know what to do?
Everytime Ithink of everything I get stressed out
Why do I stress myself out so much?
-Sigh-
I hope something big will happen.
That there willbe an amazing change.
But I don't think so.
Odd isn't it?
I'm so odd.
Writing whatever comes into my mind.
Fine here is a paragraph with my thoughts in it:

I wish my friend wasn't so critical and mean, I love her, but does she have to act that way to people? I understand it's just a facade, and that everyone has their own. Hers is anger. Anger at everything. I understand though. My facade is vanity and pride. I act like I am all these things:outgoing, loud, smiley, talented... It's so tiring really. Everywhere I go, I'm someone else. Why do people call me sexy? Does it hurt to say pretty? I don't really want to be sexy, but it's okay. I'm fortunate that someone takes notice. What is it about me? Confidence? Body? I'm not sure. I wish I was pretty. Or cute. I have an average everything, nothing too exceptional. I'm tired of being mad. Its so exhausting. I'm just going to let everything bugging me right now go. It isn't worth it. I'm going to rebuild bridges instead of severing everything with people. Starting with the most important thing I have lost...

I honestly hate it when people treat me like I'm stupid. I'm not. Okay. I understand a lot more than I tell. And now that I know what you think about me, you will never know. Maybe that's why I like people who are mean to me. I need to punish myself. My life is too... okay. I hate you so much. Fuck you. Why don't you take the time to know me before passing judgement? I'm sorry my smiles upset you. I'm sorry that seeing smile makes you want to cry. But I don't care anymore, because my smiles bring smiles to people that love me a lot more than you do. Stop judging me. Is it my fault that I can't control who I like? You aren't a friend. You're a bitch. So stfu. You don't know me, and you blew every chance of ever knowing me. And don't you dare ever fucking say that I never loved you. I did love you, you fucking bitch. I DID. Not anymore. I need to hide my heart from you all because you will never understand it. I tried to understand what you're going through. I tried to help. I tried to love you. But it's hard. So fucking hard. I can't take it anymore. You don;t know how I feel on the inside, so bitch leave me alone. Every little thing you say affects me. Even if I hate you.

I'm moving on.... And it's a relief...
I finally cleared my head, and it feels GREAT!
I'm no longer confused ;)

I've been writing in the journal I got from Nana on my birthday
so haven't been on here much
But I will write something here, because I'm too lazy to pull out my journal
Anyways ^^

Dear B I T C H;;
No matter how hard you try, you can't be me.
You can't replace me, you can't act like me,
you can't do what I do, you can't smile like I can,
you can't get him...
So quit trying.
Thanks,
Dae

Yeah, you probably know who this is about. >.>
Anways.
Probably going to rewrite this in my journal..
But here,
Today Bruce came to our school again, after leaving.
xD
And he gave me a hug!!!
It was still too awkward. T^T
But I will try harder!
I don't know what to do...
I've been trying to heal myself... To forget about him
but having him show up like that... It doesn't help.
-.-
Then his sister asked me if he liked me...
Then I said "i dunno"
then she asked me if I liked him.
Chan said "yeah"
And she said I was smiling ^^
Ahh, little children..
Oh well, i guess it's the best way for him to find out.
M A Y B E....
I cannot forget...
♥

It's been forever since my last post.
Im sorry for abandoning you blogger :(
I've been on Asian fanfics tho..
So i was always really busy.
My new story is doing soo well ^^
Its that time again...
no not THAT time,
but its the time when I have to convince myself that
I don't like someone.
YOU DONT LIKE HIM
YOU DONT LIKE HIM!
i still think i like him..
Anyway...
We lost D:
in hockey.
Afterwards, my team got mad at me..
for looking towards the bright side >.>
except for christian (7th grader)
He gave me a high-five :0
Ralphs and minas team won..
I wonder how that Guy feels about me
I feel on top of the world some days
but when he ignores me like this..
I cant stand it...
I think Im going crazy...

I stared at her as my heart did another leap when her hand pushed my arm. I don't know why, but every time she looked at me my heart would beat fast and my palms were already sweating.

They never sweat before. Unless I was running, but other than that, they never sweat before.

I hate it whenever Mi Young would smile or laugh. She'd cause all those problems with me. My sweaty palms, my beating heart, my desire for her to pay attention to me every second of my life ...

I hate it so much that I want more of it.

I want her to look at me.

I want her to hug me and hold me tight.

I want to be the cause of her smiles and laughs.

I want to be able to stay by her side every second so she wouldn't be sad like this.

I want to fulfill her dad's wish and be his 'son-in-law.'

I want to make her happy and kill the next guy that hurts her.

I want to be hers.

I want her to be more than a friend to me.

I want her.

I want her.

I want her.

I want her so badly. It's why whenever I look at another girl now, no affect happens. I feel no desire for banging another girl besides her.

I want to make love to her so she could have the best time of her life.

I want to be her first.

I want to kiss her and wrap my arms around her as much as I want.

I want to tease her about something and then call her cute after.

She was cute. She is cute. She's adorable that I can't take it anymore.

Her strength shows she's different from other girls. She's delicate and beautiful. She's lazy and intelligent.

She's amazing.

I look at her steadily and observed that she wasn't looking at me now. She was looking to the sky, probably wondering where she was going to go. I want to hug her now. I want to hold her and tell her to go to sleep in my arms, in the cool night and stay like that forever.

I wish I could change my sweater because it's really smelly.

I look down at her hand and she that it's not occupied with anything. Slowly, I started to go for her. Slowly, I made sure she wasn't looking. Slowly, my heart beat with every movement I made. Abruptly, denying my feelings for Mi Young were already fading.

As soon as my hand was hovering on top of her hand, Mi Young's head snapped at my direction and I quickly took my hand away, pulling it behind me.

"When are we able to go home?" she asked, furrowing her eyes.

I blinked at her and realized she didn't know I was going to hold her hand. I gulped and shrugged. "Just wait a little. Look up to the sky or something and just breathe," I quickly say, my head blank of ideas.

Mi Young raised an eyebrow and went back to staring back at the sky, breathing like I told her.

I sighed in relief and looked back at her hand, which was still there. Yet I didn't go for it. I might panic.

All those things I said earlier ...

I don't regret anything I said. Everything I said was real. It was the truth and I needed myself to know this and admit the fact that yes, those feelings I've been denying for almost a month now is real. It's real and it's here to stay.

No girl has ever made me feel like this way in about 5 years and I'm glad it's Mi Young who's the girl.

Why? I don't know why.

I'm just glad.

I look back at her and see she's smiling at the moon. "Isn't the moon really bright today?" she asked me, so deep into gazing at it.

I looked back at the moon and saw how it was gleaming right in front of us with the stars revolving around it and the night sky being its background. The moon was pale and bright, smiling as if it knew what was going on.

I look back at Mi Young and still see her smiling at it. I smiled at her and no one else in particular.

"Yeah. She always will be," I whispered.

Mi Young looked back at me with her eyebrows raised and then had a slight confused expression on her face but then she nodded, thinking that my statement was about the moon.

If I still denied my feelings for her, I would have slapped myself silly for saying that out loud in front of Mi Young herself.

But denying my feelings were already gone.

If I wanted anyone, the answer will always be Mi Young.

And Mi Young only.

I let my heart beat and beat as much as it wanted.

It would only beat for Mi Young. And Mi Young only.

*Sob sob*

This is from one of the greatest jjong fanfics ever!!!! I love reading this..

Read for 5 hours in total @.@.

He finally stopped denying his feelings.

-sob-

-wierd fangirl squeelll-

id love it if a guy felt this way....

Spring Break came early this year *.*
Updates later